By Melana Carbary
As a Private Wealth Manager who specializes in helping women maintain financial strength and independence no matter what life throws at them, I’ve seen firsthand the vast divide between how men and women think about and engage with money. I am passionate about changing the narrative that important financial decisions should be left to men. Here are the most common “reasons” women don’t engage with big money decisions and why this needs to stop.
1. It’s Too Late, So Why Bother?
It’s never too late to do better or make improvements—no matter how old you are. And when it comes to money, every little bit counts. Besides, we all wish we had started sooner. We’ve all made mistakes and missed out on opportunities in life and with our money. That’s life. But refusing to engage or take steps to improve your financial situation only makes things worse. Getting started today may not be better than yesterday, but it’s far better than tomorrow or never. And let’s face it, this stuff isn’t going to go away. The longer you wait, the worse things get.
2. I Don’t Want to Be Told I Can’t
Many women I speak to say they don’t want to be told that they can never retire, educate their kids, afford a house, or reach one of their financial goals. Instead of hearing the truth, they’d rather go the “ignorance is bliss” route and keep their heads buried in the sand. This avoidance tactic may feel good for a while, but when the truth comes out – and it always does – things are even worse than before. You are doubling down.
I wish women knew that as often as we tell people they have to save more or work longer than they had hoped, we also tell them they are in a great place and can achieve their goals sooner.
Stop putting your head in the sand and instead find out where you stand. It could be better than you expect, or it could be just what you expect. Either way, a skilled financial advisor can help you craft a plan to get you where you want to go.
3. It’s Embarrassing
I wish I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard this one. There can be a lot of shame where money is involved, but a quality financial planner can help you let go of your shame and may even turn it to your advantage.
The truth is none of us is perfect when it comes to money. We’ve all made our fair share of mistakes and been on the wrong side of a financial decision. Working with a financial professional with extensive life and professional experience can help you move past whatever is holding you back from engaging with money in a positive way.
We understand money is more than numbers, charts, and statistics. It’s emotional. One of the most important aspects of our job is to help clients change their money mindset and modify their financial behaviors so they’re in control. No judgment. No lectures. No shame.
4. I Should Have Started Sooner
Welcome to the guilt train! It is so prevalent when it comes to women and money. We must shake free of the guilt we feel over what we have or haven’t done.
Having guilt over “not starting sooner” is one of the most prevalent, but least warranted reasons. Get over it! Of course, you should have started sooner. Who couldn’t say they should’ve started sooner? Welcome to the club!
Instead of beating yourself up over what you should have done in the past, why not focus on what you should do right now? That’s a far more positive and productive point of view.
Ask yourself, “what is the smallest, simplest step I can take today” and then go do it. I don’t care how small it is. Save 10 bucks. Pay my credit card on time. Work an hour longer. It doesn’t matter. Take one small positive financial step forward and celebrate it. And, please, for all that’s good in the world, don’t criticize it for not being enough. How you talk to yourself matters. Celebrate all of your money wins big and small.
5. I Don’t Want to Be Thought of As Greedy or Money-Focused
I’ll say it again: get over it! After family, friends, and your health, money is the next most important thing. Without it, life comes to a grinding halt. It’s our most valuable personal resource and it should be treated as such. Being motivated by money or wanting to earn more money doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s a necessary part of life in the modern world and you should make it one of the primary focuses of your life.
If you’re skeptical because you see powerful people, often people with money, acting badly, don’t blame the money. Blame the person behind the money. Money is an amplifier. Meaning, it helps you become more of who you already were.
Put money in the hands of a kind, generous, caring person and they will do wonderful, amazing things with their money. Put the same money in the hands of a selfish, greedy, narcissist and they’ll be your worst nightmare. It’s not the money that’s the problem, it’s the person behind the money. So, unless you’re the second person in this example, go get that money, girl!
Let’s flip the script on this one and encourage more women to be involved with their money. Check out our recent blogs for more on this topic.
6. I Have Faith It Will All Work Out
Gosh, have I heard this one a lot too! Where in your faith does it tell you not to use your talents and intelligence to manage all the good things you have been given in life?
By managing our money, we can better provide for and take care of ourselves and others. I am all for faith, and I think we need more of it, but we can’t hide behind it as a reason for inactivity. God didn’t make us this magnificently so we could walk through life with our heads in the sand hoping He’ll do all the work.
7. I Need to Educate Myself First So I Know What I’m Talking About
I love this one.
Are you someone who won’t go to the gym because you’re not already in shape? Or, you won’t take a yoga class because you haven’t had a manicure in weeks? (Yes, I once had someone tell me this!)
It’s great to have standards but not if they’re holding you back from being a better version of yourself. There’s no reason to be embarrassed or “feel stupid” if you know very little about money. Honestly, why would you? There’s nothing in our world that prepares women for the world of money. This is clearly a universal failure, one you can’t fix. That said, not seeking out financial help when you know you need it only makes things worse.
If you work with a financial professional who specializes in your areas of need, you can overcome many of the money barriers holding you back. She can be a powerful partner and ally as you work toward financial literacy and proficiency. If you’ve ever had a coach before, you know how valuable they can be. There’s a reason the best athletes, musicians, and executives have coaches.
Don’t put off getting started today because you want to learn first. That day may never come. Case in point, I’ve known that yoga friend for over 10 years and we’ve never taken a class together!
Are You Ready to Get Engaged?
Don’t wait to get engaged in big money decisions. You don’t have to be an expert, and you most certainly don’t have to be embarrassed.
At Burning River Advisory Group, we’ve seen it all and are here to help you to take control of your financial life and get on the path to financial independence. Reach out today to learn more about how we can help by calling 216-404-2420 or emailing evargo@burningriverag.com.
About Melana
Melana Carbary believes it is time for women to take control of their money and, in doing so, take control of their lives. As a Private Wealth Manager with Burning River Advisory Group (BRAG), Melana helps women maintain financial strength and independence no matter what life throws at them.
Melana has a particular passion for women experiencing a significant life event such as divorce, widowhood, or leaving the rat race. These transitions bring both financial and personal life complexities with them. The challenge of navigating both effectively can be overwhelming, requiring financial expertise, as well as empathy and understanding. She gets to know her clients on a personal level and collaborates with them to build financial life plans centered on their values and lifelong dreams. Together, they take action and work toward making their dreams a reality.
Melana’s unique approach puts the client, not their money, in the proper place of prominence—at the top. As she helps her clients organize the puzzle that is their financial lives, she simplifies and educates them so they can consistently make smart decisions.
Melana aspires to help her clients experience life with less stress by taking a burden off their shoulders. Clients can be comforted knowing someone is looking out for them, someone who understands them and who has their best interest at heart.
Whether her clients are in their happiest moment or their hardest, Melana is there for them, helping them live their lives to their fullest potential.
